Because it’s so ridiculous, I have to tell this story.
The other evening, I was meeting someone for dinner. I had a crazy day, so I went to half a yoga class. I left, and found myself showering with one other woman who also snuck out early. She was super chatty about the heat and the teacher and the sweat and….
She asked why I was bald. I explained I have breast cancer and she gasped in horror that “You are so young!” So far, totally normal in my world. That’s what everyone says. What she did next was not what everyone does.
Butt-naked, she stood in that locker room and she asked me to feel her breasts for any lumps. “Ohmygod,” she gasped, “you must feel mine and see if I have any!” And she was totally serious, offering me her two giant breasts for all the feeling up I wanted.
I, of course, was awkward. Here was this woman, offering me her two giant breasts, and she was naked, and I was wrapped in a towel, and I was late for a dinner and there was no one in the locker room and also, I was bald, which started the whole thing.
When I turned down the opportunity to rub little circles on her breasts while we stood in the locker room, she then proceeded to stand with one leg up on the bench and give herself a breast exam, asking for my tips and tricks along the way. Because I have so many tips and tricks. The only time I did a breast exam, I found a lump. I’m more likely horribly bad luck.
Oh, it was weird. Oh, it was awkward. Oh, I cannot stop laughing because it is just beyond insane. Cracks me up every time. This is my life people. This really, actually happened to me. And it is just hilarious.